Friday, July 26, 2013

July 26 9:15 pm


So I think we are both working on a tear out page and an image of Father Bleary is in my mind and I bet he is writing over there about the suffering day.  But, and this is odd, I can recall that day –- after all I was there -- but I have no need to revisit it.  And I know exactly what day it was because it was the first day that I understood that God had His own reasons, that innocents would suffer regardless.  But I don’t care as much anymore.  My suffering is, suddenly, gone.  The bad feeling in the back of my mind, the bad taste in the back of my mind, the sad burden of regret, of I did something wrong and I can’t make it beater, is gone.
Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore.  E=mc2.  The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.  Godel’s incompleteness theorem by Kleene states any effectively generated theory capable of expressing elementary arithmetic cannot be both consistent and complete. In particular, for any consistent, effectively generated formal theory that proves certain basic arithmetic truths, there is an arithmetical statement that is true, but not provable in the theory.
I don’t think I am impaired cognitively.  The testing should show that.  I just feel…different.  Lighter.  Less weighed down.  Less sticky.  Like I’ve stopped swimming in molasses.  The world is clear and sharp but not with feelings, it just is.  I looked up for a minute and saw me writing still.  Head still down, I was just watching this -- mostly black haired head, getting a little thin up there.  Got to work on that…How do I feel?
I know I, we, are being taped now, and have sensors tracking everything, from BP to HR to temp, etc. etc.   So I am not giving anything away by looking up at Jim, trying to sense what I feel, are the diagnostics changing?  I better get back on a real page.


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